Guilt

Everyday I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt for being sick. I feel like I'm ruining my kids childhood. A small part of me knows it's not my fault, yet I can't help but think that I've failed them by merely existing. I get jealous of people who think nothing of taking their kids to the pool for the day or running off for the weekend for a mini vacay. My oldest daughter is starting to notice it too, everyday she asks me of I've taken my meds or if I have been able to eat and she's only 5. I keep teasing myself with the notion that someday it will all be better but who really knows. Not knowing what life holds can be a scary thing but so is being a mother of three kids and I'm still standing. Now that I'm done with my little pity party I guess it's time to jump back into the adventure.

Birthday Party

9:00 am- Today is my oldest daughters 5th birthday party so far I have only heard "is it my party yet what time is my party" about 100 times. I wish I were exaggerating. I also wish I could smoke a joint right about now

10:00 am- I bravely put the table cloth and cake out a little to early and one of the babies streaks by ripping off half of the cheap paper ruffles. Now the oldest is demanding that I repair it with "duck" tape. Sorry honey, no white trash party today, can't have the other mommys at school seeing that.

11:00 am- Put all 3 girls in their princess dresses and immediately one of the babies sneezes and a four inch booger hanges off of the pink tutu. Said baby runs off just as the doorbell rings.

12:00 pm- as oldest is opening her presents she looks at a makeup kit and loudly announces "LOOK MOM, NOW I CAN LOOK LIKE A WHORE". fml. Where did I put that joint. I start making martinis.

1:00 pm- Now that the kidlets are all jacked up on sugar we herd them all ouside to hit the pinyada. My husband decides spinning them around would be a good idea and oldest ends up taking a crack at some other little girls head instead of the pinyada. I wish I could pretend I cared but she's one of those kids that bug the holy living shit out of me anyways.

2:30 pm- I "accidently" forget to give kids their party whistles until they are leaving. My bad. Have a nice ride home.

Being an only child it is impossible for me to understand all that goes on with my three kids. The fighting seems to get me the most. Eg: Why the fuck does 1 baby need two sippy cups? The whole purpose of this seems to be nothing more than to upset the other kid or kids. Of course I think its adorable when they kiss and hug eachother and play together but more often than not my 16 month old twins seem to be butting heads or pulling hair. Nothing like causing bodily harm to your other half right? Not that my 5 year old is much help "Moooooom, the baby took my barbie" Um you cannot be fucking serious. The only time these children seem to be getting along is when they are conspiring against me. The upside of being an only child was that I never had to share attention or toys, to name a few things but yet somtimes I find myself weirdly jealous when they are having one of their better moments and they seem to belong to some exclusive club.

Berkeley!!

Just got my UC Berkeley catalouge in the mail.  Only trouble being that hubby does not agree with this one.  I would seriously give my right arm to go to this school but for now I must bide my time haha. See he is a supervisor in the energy(natural gas) field.  You know all the drilling that people are protesting, yup thats my man.  Anyways, he seems to think that Berkeley is too much of a "tree hugger" school.  Normally his opinion wouldnt count for much in that department except he is my funding.  Hoping I can go to my dream school but I just need hubby to start taking me seriously.

Welcome to my lair

Nice to meet you, I am a 24year old mother of 3. My oldest daughter is 4 and I have twins that are a year old.  I'm also hoping to return to school soon for either journalism or english.  My day is full of adventures and misadventures and I hope to catalouge them all here while improving upon my writing skills.  To add another thing to the mix I am also dealing with a long term illness in which I have to take alot of medications...including medical marijuana.