Birthday Party

9:00 am- Today is my oldest daughters 5th birthday party so far I have only heard "is it my party yet what time is my party" about 100 times. I wish I were exaggerating. I also wish I could smoke a joint right about now

10:00 am- I bravely put the table cloth and cake out a little to early and one of the babies streaks by ripping off half of the cheap paper ruffles. Now the oldest is demanding that I repair it with "duck" tape. Sorry honey, no white trash party today, can't have the other mommys at school seeing that.

11:00 am- Put all 3 girls in their princess dresses and immediately one of the babies sneezes and a four inch booger hanges off of the pink tutu. Said baby runs off just as the doorbell rings.

12:00 pm- as oldest is opening her presents she looks at a makeup kit and loudly announces "LOOK MOM, NOW I CAN LOOK LIKE A WHORE". fml. Where did I put that joint. I start making martinis.

1:00 pm- Now that the kidlets are all jacked up on sugar we herd them all ouside to hit the pinyada. My husband decides spinning them around would be a good idea and oldest ends up taking a crack at some other little girls head instead of the pinyada. I wish I could pretend I cared but she's one of those kids that bug the holy living shit out of me anyways.

2:30 pm- I "accidently" forget to give kids their party whistles until they are leaving. My bad. Have a nice ride home.

Being an only child it is impossible for me to understand all that goes on with my three kids. The fighting seems to get me the most. Eg: Why the fuck does 1 baby need two sippy cups? The whole purpose of this seems to be nothing more than to upset the other kid or kids. Of course I think its adorable when they kiss and hug eachother and play together but more often than not my 16 month old twins seem to be butting heads or pulling hair. Nothing like causing bodily harm to your other half right? Not that my 5 year old is much help "Moooooom, the baby took my barbie" Um you cannot be fucking serious. The only time these children seem to be getting along is when they are conspiring against me. The upside of being an only child was that I never had to share attention or toys, to name a few things but yet somtimes I find myself weirdly jealous when they are having one of their better moments and they seem to belong to some exclusive club.